Two Sides of the Coin
by massivelyattacked
Summary: Hawke must make her decision regarding her friend and love - what happens when you cannot decide?  One shot; potential spoilers.


This is my first submission...it was a little cathartic writing my own decisions out in this manner. Sure wish the writing in this game wouldn't affect me in this way. It's sort of a "choose your own ending". Hope you enjoy...

I observed my husband's character on his first playthrough of DA2, and last night he came to the scene of Chantry destruction. My own character is a mage, sympathetic to Anders' cause. I decided to write this to try to resolve my own inner conflicts about the choice I will soon be making in my own playthrough. I'm sure many of you have faced the same choice…

Characters belong to Bioware/Electronic Arts. Inner turmoil belongs to me.

* * *

_**Two Sides of the Coin**_

I spent years defending these people. _My_ people.

In a split second, I am shaken. Have I been wrong all this time? Am I truly the hideous monster as Meredith has believed all along? Internally, I weep for the past and the future.

The next moments stretch an eternity. I search my memories for something…anything. Did I lead him to this? Did I make the decision easier? What did I say to make him believe there was no hope? That this destruction was the only answer?

Or perhaps nothing I have done or could have done would have changed his mind. His escapes from the Ferelden Circle – recounted to me in perpetuity. The desire to be free from tyranny and persecution is not unfounded. Had my own family not protected me…my sister…we would likely have ended up in the same circumstances. The same Circle. How strange that our paths were destined to cross, one way or another.

I reflect upon happier days – helping with the organization of his clinic. Times when he was a healer and compassionate mage. His only desire was to help the oppressed and weak, now he is corrupted by his own sense of justice, twisted by the spirit in him. But there were wonderful times before all this. We spent hours in the Hanged Man playing cards and drinking the night away with our companions. We would relax by the fire in the estate, as my…_our_ mabari curled beside us. He would recite legendary stories to me…talk about his lovely cat from years gone by. I used to adore returning home from a long voyage, only to find him leaning on the railing on the balcony upstairs, flashing that smile that has all but disappeared now. Home. Will that word ever have meaning for me again?

I think back on all the events leading up to this moment. All of the nuances and signals he sent me – they were all crystal clear now. How is it that I missed them all? Conceivably, I didn't. Seeking answers to the flurry of questions, my heart tells me that I always knew things would place me at this point. I refuse to live in this denial any further – we were both in this together, regardless of my level of involvement.

My next choice is the only way I can set things right.

* * *

**_Heads_**

A part of me rejoices – the Chantry is gone. Destroyed in an instant. A sick satisfaction spreads through me as I recall assisting him in his hunt for materials. His deceptive hunt. I sigh, and wonder aloud why he could not trust me with his plans. I barely hear his reply. He doesn't know that I'd never have stopped him had I known, but I cannot bring myself to tell him that. It would break him to know that I was also being pushed to the point of no return.

He fought alongside me in the Deep Roads, in a stupid quest to regain my family's dignity through wealth. He was there when my brother fell to the darkspawn, with a solution to allow him to live on. He was there when we discovered my mother…her life taken from her in a manner that bears no recollection. We fought, side by side, against the very mages we fought so hard to protect…as they were weakened and corrupted by their desire to be free. He was always there. He would always be there.

How could I no longer stand with him?

There is no further deliberation. No other choice.

"You know I will stand beside you," I murmur. My breath barely forms the words.

My Grey Warden. My abomination. My apostate. My love.

**_

* * *

_**

Tails

"How…?"

I stammer. But there is no answer. Nothing can calm the anger and regret that have so quickly clouded my thoughts. I trusted him with my innermost thoughts and feelings. He could not even trust me with his plans. I wouldn't have talked him down…but I would have at least understood. Even now I understand…though I am uncertain of my ability to forgive such deception.

I am speechless. He will always be there as a reminder of what has passed. Every day, I will see those hands that created the destructive weapon. I will see those eyes and wonder who is actually staring back at me, him or the spirit. There was no longer an internal battle between the two – their very existence had fused. The only solace I take is in knowing that despite the connection shared, the spirit's thirst for vengeance left no room for love – and during those happier times it was he who was with me, not it.

I am meant to be alone. The loss of my sister to the darkspawn, and in a way, my brother, proved that. The way my mother was cruelly taken away from me proved that. My encounter with the Arishok proved that. Every decision I have made has led to this. The culmination of so many choices. I am meant to be alone.

I stare at him – a man, broken. Our eyes meet, as his flicker. I recognize the old soul staring back as human. The spirit has been quenched and retreats. He knows of my choice before I do. He is resigned.

His punishment will be mine.

The blade slides easily. I hear his gasp.

He says "I will always love you"…I do not reply.

It would appear that Justice's influence has grown…


End file.
